


Love, Kitty.

by Pryde



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 20:50:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2442716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pryde/pseuds/Pryde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She now realised people saying “it’s a long story " actually mean it’s a stupid short one that they are too embarrassed to tell, but the worst part was realising she was now one of those people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love, Kitty.

                     Now Kitty knew it all too well. She now realised people   
                     saying “ _it’s a long story_ " actually mean it’s a stupid short   
                     one that they are too embarrassed to tell, but the worst    
                     part was realising she was now one of those people.   
                     The scene happening in slow motion right in front of  
                     her was like a hard cold, unbearably and deathly painful   
                     stabbing she couldn’t possibly have seen coming and   
                     avoid. Now she feared that for the years to come she   
                     would wake up every morning feeling like part of her was   
                     missing, that then reality would hit her just like it hit her  
                     right now. Her best friend was gone. Forever gone, and  
                     not the kind of gone she had dealt with before. This was  
                     even more torturing than Douglock, because Douglas   
                     still physically existed amongst them but he not really.

                     Not the same way she was used to, the way she liked. 

                     Kitty made sure to have locked the bathroom door when  
                     she locked herself there, but minutes passed and she  
                     kind of lost track and notion of time and for how long she   
                     was there. She also made sure her tears streamed down  
                     her face carefully silently not to drawn any attention towards  
                     herself. The last thing she needed was trying to explain to  
                     someone how selfish and immature she could be. Still,   
                     Katherine managed to convince herself it wasn’t like she    
                     didn’t want Doug to have a girlfriend ever again. Of course  
                     she wanted him to find happiness with someone, in fact  
                     she could think of little few people who deserved that as  
                     much as Doug. But this wasn’t right, this wasn’t the way,    
                      _she_ couldn’t be the one.  

                     And she totally wanted _her_ to be happy as well but history  
                     between them was so harsh, so many deaths and wrong  
                     decisions taken along the way that wounded their relation.  
                     Kitty didn’t want to grow resentful towards one of very few   
                     closes friends, she was like family to her but that was the  
                     thing, she seemed to be the only one to feel that way. If Kitty    
                     ever thought she had hurt Illyana’s feelings in any way she    
                     would apologise right away without further pondering who  
                     was right or wrong, because her feelings mattered more to  
                     Kitty; her own loyalty ended up being a double-edge sword.    

                     And this wasn’t the first time the sorceress made her way  
                     in somehow taking away from Kitty someone she loved so  
                     very much. Kitty could try understanding Colossus’ decision  
                     because after all, he was her brother. But that decision hurt    
                     hurt her nonetheless, that emotional wound didn’t seem to  
                     be healing any time soon and as if that wasn’t bad enough  
                     now Doug joined the club. The feeling of betrayal, sadness   
                     and disappointed all at once was just too much and from    
                     time to time it made her choke on her own sobbing, which  
                     she tried not to make any noise by covering her mouth with  
                     both hands every time her heart felt like about to explode.  

                     It was a true matter of time until someone found her long  
                     absence suspicious enough to go on the look for her so  
                     when she heard someone knocking on the door Kitty was  
                     hardly surprised. Just as little surprised as she was of the  
                     fact she recognised the way the door was knocked. The  
                     gentle and always polite manner in it was one she was   
                     more than familiar with and would always fill her with joy  
                     to know _he_ had come to see her.  Always  except  in  that   
                     moment, that is.

           ❝—I’m **_okay_**. ❞ That was such a big blatant lie  
 he of all people would have known that, and  
  again,  she couldn’t bring herself to feel any   
  surprise when the door was slowly opened   
  behind her back.

                     She just knew it was him so after a second or two Kitty felt  
                     like there was no point in trying to hide her crying mess so  
                     turned around not very discreetly avoiding visual contact   
                     with him. Catching sight of his face could have caused her  
                     to be tore apart in front of him and at this point that was the    
                     last thing she wanted to share with him because besides   
                     feeling sad and lonely and betrayed she also felt _angry_.    

                             ❝What do you want? Seriously, don’t come and  
                                offer me your pity. I don’t want it, I don’t want  
                                anything.❞

                     She made a brief pause to breathe because her crying  
                     had her running out of air with ease and the disastrous  
                     mixture of emotions taking over her disturbed mind was  
                     about to unleash words she never ever even dreamt of   
                     telling him but if they were to lose their relationship as it  
                     used to be she would rather not leaving things unsaid.

                     What things exactly, Kitty did not know. There were just  
                     too many things she had been bottling up for far too   
                     long. Memories of Piotr favouring his sister hurt her but  
                     there was a pattern bothered her. She remembered the  
                     time Professor X forced her to be around people her age  
                     and attend that stupid party. She thought that night was  
                     buried deep in her mind and that had no relevance but  
                     the awful, striking and disturbing feeling of guys talking   
                     to her to get closer Illyana… She felt exactly like that  _again_. 

                     Coming from him it wasn’t just wrong, it was _unbearable_.

         ❝I never doubted you, I blindly trusted you wouldn’t  
                                be like them.❞  Not that he would understand who  
                                were _them_. He wasn’t a _mind_ reader, was he? 

                    There were things he was most definitely not able to  
                     read, Kitty decided. Else he should have known what  
                     she never was able to put into words but always was  
                     absolutely obvious for her. Whether he couldn’t read   
                     her or choose to ignore it. The thought was frustrating   
                     but at least she knew what to say. 

         ❝You know how people have happy places? Like,  
                                somewhere they feel free and safe and everything  
                                bad can’t really hurt them? **_You were mine, Doug_** ** _._** ❞  

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Bendis' Kissing Event. Written for @dougcypher, posted here to preserve the feels!
> 
> Title inspired in the movie Love, Rosie.


End file.
